Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
