Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
