Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
