mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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