SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize