I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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