could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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