he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
