I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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