dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
