My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
