Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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