just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
