i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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