God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
