Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
