the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
