Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
