Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
