Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We left the knife in your bed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
