I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
