There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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