I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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