you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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