Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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