I cannot find my penis.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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