Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
