I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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