Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
