Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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