grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
