how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
