I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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