the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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