I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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