dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
