Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
