and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
