so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
