a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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