Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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