I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
