You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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