Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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