I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
