Pappa wants mamma naked
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
