God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize