I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
