I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You made out with two different species that night
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
