What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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