I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
