I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
