I don't think brook has ever known best
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
