Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
