My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just gift wrapped bread.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
