I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i dont even know how to be here
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
