I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize