he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
