I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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