i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
