dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
