You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
