This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
