So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
