i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
FUCK WHALES
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
