On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize