Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
