You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i think i just lost a toe
A bitchslap is in order.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
