hotel room ftw
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
