you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
