My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it hurts more in the daytime
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
