My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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