please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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