Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
