I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
