I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
