Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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