i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need moral support for this bender
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
