some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
