and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
