Swine flu. Run for my life!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
