apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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