A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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